Ghost of Perdition
by Rusting Angel
Summary: Why would we really need to live? Decide what is clear and what's within a haze... What you should take and what to give. *ON HIATUS*
1. Chapter 1

**Ghost of Perdition**

Chapter 1

by _Rusting Angel_

**xoxoxoxoxo**

_On a beautiful night like this_, she thought,_ I shouldn't be alone... But here I am..._

She stole one last glance at the clear night sky before pushing through the front door of her favorite place, a popular coffee shop on the corner of a busy street. Warmth rushed over her chilled form the second she entered, bells tinkling gently to announce her arrival. She methodically stripped off her overcoat, depositing it on the provided rack before eagerly making her way to the counter. The aroma of rich coffee wafted towards her and she inhaled deeply, savoring the feeling of comfort this place never failed to deliver. Her mood was instantly lifted and she nearly forgot her loneliness, as well as the cold spot in her heart that rivaled even the frigid air outside.

"Kaoru!" The cheerful voice startled her although it was very familiar. "I was wondering when you'd show up. You're a bit later than usual."

"Hey, Tae," Kaoru responded immediately, glancing away from the menu to the perpetually happy owner. She had known her for years and counted her as a close friend although they never spoke outside of the shop. "I know, my night classes ran over. The professor doesn't seem to understand that his students have lives outside of college."

Tae giggled as Kaoru rolled her eyes and glowered, then said knowingly, "Well I have just the thing. How about a homemade brownie on the house, to go with your coffee? I know you don't normally splurge but you sound like you deserve it tonight."

"Oh, that sounds lovely," Kaoru gushed, her expression instantly brightening. She tucked a wayward strand of blue-black hair behind her ear and leaned comfortably against the ornate counter. "Thank you, Tae. You definitely know how to cheer a girl up."

"And I'm happy to! So how about your coffee; what would you like?" The older woman busied herself behind the counter as she spoke, locating a fresh brownie and plopping it down on a red and white saucer. She placed it in front of Kaoru with a grin, her large brown eyes crinkling at the corners.

"Let's see... I think I feel like a white chocolate latte tonight..." She drummed her fingers against her chin thoughtfully, scanning over the menu one last time. "Yeah, definitely. And with that brownie it will be even more heavenly. I just hope I don't get sick."

"Oh, nonsense," Tae laughed, turning away to make the latte. Her movements were practiced and graceful. "The brownie is chocolate and your latte is white chocolate, so they'll balance each other out."

Kaoru giggled before commenting with a small pout, "If I always listened to you I'd weigh 300 pounds! I can never say no when you offer me sweets."

"Even if I fed you brownies every day, I'm sure you'd work it off with all of that martial arts practice," Tae responded while topping the steaming latte with whipped cream. She smiled and briefly wiped her hands against her pristine white apron. "So no worries! You only live once, Kaoru."

"You're right, Tae... You only live once," Kaoru agreed, suddenly feeling melancholy. She forced herself to snap out of it and pushed a few dollar bills across the countertop, grabbing her treats. "I'm gonna go find a seat now before it gets too crowded. Talk to you later!"

"See you, Kaoru!" Tae called before greeting the next customer. They were streaming in now, the majority coming from the lively bar across the street. It was a routine for many of them: get drunk on Friday night and sober up later at the conveniently located coffee shop before driving home. Thankfully there were also several patrons, like Kaoru, who simply liked to grab some coffee after a long afternoon of work or studying. She didn't think she could handle a shop full off drunkards falling all over themselves and breaking things.

Making her way to the seating area, Kaoru's gaze drifted back and forth to locate a vacant table. Thankfully there were a few towards the back and she walked forward with purpose, only to abruptly lock eyes with the most gorgeous man she had ever seen. The sight of him hit her like a brick wall and she halted in her tracks momentarily, lest she lose her footing. His features were so striking that she had to force herself to look away, focusing on the wooden floor instead. She felt like the air had been knocked out of her.

She hurriedly sat down at a booth several tables away from his, placing her latte and brownie in front of her but no longer caring about them. Her mind was reeling. She had unintentionally made eye contact with men numerous times; it's unavoidable when you live in a big city--but no one had ever made her body involuntarily tingle like that. She shuddered, merely replaying the moment in her mind's eye. It felt like they had locked eyes for an eternity, yet she knew it had been no more than a couple of seconds.

Attempting to block him from her thoughts, she reached for her latte and realized her hand was shaking. And then her blue gaze gradually drifted upward despite her mind's protests to keep her eyes on the table. Her wild curiousity was always stronger than her sense of self-preservation.

Her eyes met nothing but the back of his head; he wasn't watching her.

Sighing in relief, she willed herself to relax and reached for her latte again. She took a small sip, relishing the sugary liquid warmth, and wondered what he would think if he knew the way she had reacted to his simple glance. He'd probably think she was insane; that or an immature little school girl. Or maybe he loved that sort of attention. He was probably accustomed to women falling all over him, with those soulful eyes and luxurious hair. Some men thrived off of thinking--or maybe knowing, in his case--that they were God's gift to women. If he was that sort of person then she didn't care what he looked like; he wasn't worth her time.

_Hot guys are always so arrogant_, she thought to herself glumly, recalling her last relationship. _What a waste of good looks..._

She risked another glance at the back of his head--the last one, she promised herself--before digging through her spacious purse and removing her cell phone and a small paperback book. She nursed her latte while scrolling through text messages from a couple of close friends, Misao and Megumi. Both mentioned that a snowstorm was rolling in and that she should be careful driving home, but Kaoru shrugged it off mentally. She had lived here all of her life and was accustomed to driving in icy weather. Still, she texted back to thank them for their concern and asked what they were up to tonight.

Setting her phone in the center of the table, she mentally restrained herself from looking his way again and picked up her book instead. She removed the silly raccoon bookmark and tossed it aside, taking a deep cleansing breath before finding the paragraph she had stopped at the previous day. Her left hand found its way to the neglected chocolate brownie as she read. She broke off a small chunk and placed it in her mouth, deciding that she was extremely glad Tae had talked her into splurging a bit. It was delicious.

Thus occupied, she scarcely noticed when a soft shadow settled over her, though she nearly jumped out of her skin when its owner took a seat across the table. Daring herself to look up, she dropped her book and nearly upset her latte when their eyes met.

His eyes were impossibly purple, a shade that reminded her specifically of lavender flowers, framed by dark red eyebrows and pale, immaculate skin. Glossy, ruby-toned hair cascaded loosely around his shoulders, several strands of which slightly obscured his attractive face. He was decidedly feminine, yet incredibly masculine and sexy all at once. And he was breathtaking, literally, because at that moment she found it immensely difficult to breathe.

"Hi," she said stupidly, because her brain had turned to mush and her mouth was dry; because she couldn't fathom why he had decided to sit at her table and stare at her like that.

"Hey," he responded with a soft smile, and Kaoru felt herself flush. The pitch of his voice was moderately deep, the tone so velvety that she almost felt like it reached out and caressed her. "Sorry for bothering you, but that book you're reading--did you happen to find it here?"

"Oh! Actually, yes," she began, thankful that she could speak coherently. She struggled to maintain eye contact and reached up to adjust her high ponytail. "The last time I was here--Tuesday night, I think--it was in the booth I sat at. I'm sorry, is it yours?"

"Yeah, sure is," he nodded. He folded lean arms across the tabletop before continuing. "I thought I had left it somewhere else and was driving myself crazy trying to find it. And of course this is the last place I decided to look," he added, laughing warmly. "I could have bought another copy but that one in particular is sort of special to me."

"I'm sorry," she repeated, smiling sincerely. "I told Tae when I found it; she said she'd let me know if anyone asked for it, then get the book from me and return it herself. So I've been reading it in the meantime. Did you tell her you lost it here?"

"Hmm," he mused, smirking softly at her. "Tae's the shop owner, right? Strange. When I got here tonight, I asked her if she'd seen a lost book. She said she didn't know anything about it."

"She did, did she?" Kaoru asked darkly, feeling her face heat. She shot a glance at the front counter, and sure enough, Tae was watching them. The woman practically jumped backward and hastily began rearranging coffee cups, turning her back.

Kaoru's eyes narrowed even further and the red-headed man chuckled, staring at her curiously. And she realized then, that she had desperately wanted to hear him laugh a second time. Warmth crept slowly from the pit of her stomach to the rest of her body, coiling in her chest.

"Oh, sorry," she mumbled, shifting her gaze back to him and apologizing for the third time in five minutes. She looked down at her hands which were fidgeting nervously. "Tae has this... thing. With setting me up. You know, putting me in situations where I have to meet guys." She felt her face grow even hotter, this time with embarrassment. He must think she was such a child.

"Well I'm not complaining," he said, pointedly meeting her eyes as he spoke. Something akin to amusement crossed his face and then he swiftly stood up from the booth.

"Um, wait! Don't you want your book?" she asked, her heart plummeting into her stomach as she grasped the worn paperback. So she had scared him off. Then what was with that comment...? She'd barely had time to blush at the implications before he got up.

"No no, hang on to it. I'm not leaving yet." He smiled disarmingly, gazing down at her. "Just getting another cup of coffee. Would you like another?" He leaned past her to grasp her empty mug, causing the smell of ginger to overwhelm her senses.

"Oh... sure!" Kaoru was shocked senseless and she knew her facial expression was advertising it like an oversized flashing billboard. "Tae knows what I'm drinking. Thank you."

"No problem. Be back in a second," he replied jovially before walking off.

She shamelessly watched him, finding it almost impossible to look away. He paused to grab his own empty mug from the table he had previously occupied, then continued briskly on his way to the front counter. He was clothed in slightly worn blue jeans and a gray t-shirt that was just tight enough to bulge with the lean muscle that lay underneath. And now that he was standing, she could see that his hair was much longer than she realized; it reached all the way to his trim waist, roughly the same length as her own.

Shaking her head, she took a deep breath and willed herself to keep her eyes on the table. It was impolite to stare. And she was afraid she might start drooling; then he'd definitely leave. Breathe, Kaoru, breathe.

The table suddenly started vibrating and she nearly squeaked, only to realize with a blush that it was her phone going off. She grabbed it and flipped it open to see that she had received a new text message from Misao, which said that she and Aoshi were at a late movie. She also asked what Kaoru was up to. Debating on whether or not to tell her the truth, because she knew the truth would cause a barrage of messages from the perky girl, Kaoru decided to answer later. It was already after 11:00 PM so if she didn't answer now, Misao would probably just assume she was asleep.

Sighing anxiously, she closed her phone just as the red-head returned with two steaming mugs in hand. He slid into the booth and gently placed one of the frothy drinks in front of her before setting down his own and smiling at her.

"That was nice of you, thanks," she said warmly, smiling back. Feeling more confident now that the shock of the situation had begun to wear off, she raised a slender black eyebrow at him. "So I have to ask... Did Tae say anything to you just now?"

"She asked me if I got my book back," he began, taking a sip of his coffee. "And then she told me to tell you... that you can thank her later." That look on his face meant that he was trying to suffocate a laugh.

"That woman," Kaoru growled, narrowing her eyes. "And you! You think it's funny, don't you?"

His mouth twitched.

"I see you trying to contain yourself... go ahead and laugh," she teased, having a hard time herself. She was beginning to crack a grin.

A husky chuckle erupted from his lips immediately, his captivating eyes sparkling with mirth. "What's your name?"

"Kaoru Kamiya," she said, setting down her drink. Yes, she definitely loved his laugh, but struggled to hide the fact. She extended her hand over the table. "What's yours?"

"Kenshin Himura," he replied and firmly clasped her smaller hand, noticing the light blush that dusted her cheeks at the mild contact. Tilting his head as if examining her, he asked, "So you're enjoying my book? It's not something I'd expect most people to want to read."

"I've always loved reading about Japanese warriors and their ancient sword styles," she informed him, retracting her hand with regret. His hand was so warm and comfortable that she wished she could curl up in it. "I practice myself, and I work at a local dojo, so it's very interesting to me."

"Really," he said with interest, raising his eyebrows. "Well that's admirable. Maybe I should be the one thanking Tae."

_Is he flirting with me!?_ She playfully rolled her eyes to draw attention away from her blush and looked down at the book that had caused their meeting. Fingering the worn pages, she glanced back up at him and swirled her latte. "What's so important about this particular book? If you don't mind me asking, of course."

"Well, my old master gave it to me back in Japan. I was born there... moved here about five years ago," he answered steadily. "It's the only thing I brought with me overseas, actually, besides the basics."

"Wow, you were born in Japan?" she asked incredulously. She wondered if his family had moved with him. "How cool. My parents were born there, but we moved to America when I was a baby so I don't remember it."

"We seem to have a lot in common," he said in Japanese, smiling at the way her blue eyes lit up in response.

"I know!" she exclaimed in the same tongue. Suddenly shy, she glanced down at the table and her eyes landed on her half-eaten brownie. His violet gaze was almost too intense. "Have the rest if you want it. I can't eat anymore."

"Thanks, but I don't really care for sugar," he replied, winking an eye at her. "I've never had much of a sweet tooth."

"What!? Now that's something we definitely don't have in common." She shoved the brownie towards him and willed her body to forget the wink; it was so endearing. "You have to try this. I insist."

"This better be a damn good brownie if you're going to force it on me," he teased. Grasping the rim of the plate, he slid it closer and broke off a piece of the brownie almost hesitantly. "If it's not..." He trailed off, glancing up at her challengingly.

"If it's not, then what?" Kaoru barely resisted the urge to stick her tongue out at him. "Tae made the brownie, not me, so I won't be offended if you don't like it. Although I will think you're very strange. Her brownies are amazing."

Kenshin merely raised an eyebrow before placing the morsel in his mouth, chewing slowly. Then he blinked owlishly at her and a smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

"Ha, I told you!" She grinned triumphantly and reached behind her head to take her hair down. It had been up all day and the weight was starting to give her a headache. Shiny blue-black tresses, no longer confined by an elastic band, cascaded down her body and pooled on the seat. She flushed at the way his eyes watched her.

"Yes you did," he admitted, grinning softly at her and taking another piece. "I stand corrected."

"I'm happy to have reintroduced you to the wonderful world of sweets," she laughed, pushing long bangs out of her eyes.

"So, Kaoru," he said after another sip of coffee. She shivered when her name passed his lips. "You work at a dojo. What else do you do?"

"Well, I'm studying to be an elementary school teacher. I have about a year left."

He quirked a brow. "How old are you?"

"Hey, it's not polite to ask a lady her age," she teased. This time she did stick out her tongue, briefly.

"Sorry, curious," he replied, chuckling at her playfulness.

"I'm twenty-one," she revealed, tilting her head quizzically at his surprised reaction. "What? You can't be much older."

"I'm thirty-one," he deadpanned.

"Really? Wow, I never would've guessed," she gushed. "I thought you were only a couple of years older than me at the most."

"Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing," he laughed.

"I think it's a good thing. When you're much older you'll probably still be..." She trailed off, flushing and glancing away from him.

"Still be what?"

"Still be, um, you know... healthy."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Whatever! Anyway, so what do you do, Kenshin?"

"I'm a chef."

"You are full of surprises," she said, eyes widening. "I never would've guessed that either."

"What would you have guessed?"

"Oh, I don't know... guitar player in a metal band? You look the part."

"Appearances are deceiving."

"True. So you're a great cook then... I'm not going to lie; I should be banned from the kitchen. I can hardly boil water."

"I'll give you a few basic lessons sometime, if you'd like."

"Would you? That would be great. I'm warning you, though... I'm really, really awful."

"Don't worry, you'll be fine. I won't let you set fire to anything."

"Okay, then. I think I can trust you," she smiled. Noticing movement outside the window, she turned her head. "Look, it's snowing again."

"So it is," he replied. "You should probably head home soon, in case it gets bad."

"Yeah, it's really late, anyway. Almost 1:00 already." She turned to face him again, only to find that he had been watching her with a soft expression on his face. She blushed for the nth time that night and downed the last gulp of her latte to cover it. When she lowered her mug, he was sliding out of the booth.

"Come on, I'll take you to your car," he offered.

"Oh, it's not far; I parked really close." She collected her purse and grabbed Kenshin's book before walking up to him, feeling heady. Standing directly next to him was much different than sitting across the table from him.

"I don't mind." He smiled down at her before turning away.

"Okay then," she said to his back, somewhat worried about being completely alone with him. She had never felt so drawn to anyone in her life and it scared her.

She fell into step beside him and they squeezed through the throng of noisy people in the center of the shop before reaching the front. He located his black leather jacket and shrugged it on while she found her tan trench coat. She turned and waved at Tae, who looked positively blown away to see them leaving together. Kaoru suppressed a giggle.

"Ready?" he asked, holding the door open for her. When she nodded, he waited for her to walk through and then followed her out. The frigid air immediately seeped through his jacket and settled in his bones. "I'll never get used to this cold."

"I know, it's freezing! I love snow but sometimes it's just not worth it." With Kenshin in tow, she walked briskly along the side of the building toward her car. Several snow flakes nested in her hair, contrasting beautifully.

"It's really coming down," he observed, lifting his head to gaze skyward. "You don't have to drive far, do you?"

"No, just a few miles. And we're almost to my car; it's the little blue one," she replied, shivering visibly and rubbing her hands together. "I think my fingers are already frozen."

Wordlessly, he reached out and grasped her left hand with his right, squeezing gently as they walked.

An electric thrill pulsed through her and she had to remind herself to breathe. Gravel crunched under her boots as she stopped in front of a small blue sedan, biting her lip nervously before she spoke. "But my other one is still cold."

"Come here." He tugged gently on her hand, coaxing her to turn toward him. He looked positively ethereal standing there beneath the dim street light with snowflakes adorning his hair, offering his other hand to her.

Her heart jumped into her throat and she hesitated, unable to tear her eyes away. She felt like if she got too close to him, she would melt despite the temperature. She could just imagine herself turning into a pile of goo and oozing through the cracks in the sidewalk. But she eventually nodded and took a step forward, accepting his other hand so that they were standing face-to-face.

"Any better?" His voice was quiet now, an intimate whisper. Those amethyst eyes watched her intently, drawing her in.

She nodded, swallowing and letting his warmth permeate her hands. Her gaze flickered to his lips and she flushed at how soft and inviting they looked. "Don't forget your book; it's in my purse," she reminded him, feeling the need to say something, anything.

"You can finish reading it," he said softly. His thumbs were drawing lazy circles on the backs of her hands. "I don't mind. It will give me another excuse to see you again."

"Okay," she whispered and smiled, feeling her face heat. The strange thought crossed her mind that they were standing in the center of a snow globe, with the way the snow was swarming around them and blanketing the sidewalk. Suddenly the frigid air no longer existed; she didn't feel its bite any longer.

His hands lured her a step closer. He gazed down at her through thick lashes, his purple eyes slightly hooded, and marginally inclined his head.

"I don't usually kiss guys I just met," she breathed, needing to relieve some of the tension. Her sapphire eyes were wild with unbridled emotion.

"If I happen to initiate a kiss, though," he said huskily, stroking her fingers. A mischievous smirk crossed his lips. "Then technically you're not the one doing it. As long as you don't kiss back anyway, but I'm confident you will."

"Oh yeah?" Her eyes lit up playfully at the challenge. She didn't completely realize what the outcome of her next two words would be until it was too late. "Try me."

His mouth descended on hers with startling intensity, the press of his lips soft yet firm. Her eyes fluttered closed, only to reopen half a second later when he pulled away slightly. She started to reel him back in before she realized that he was waiting for her reaction, wondering if she would go back on her word. And then abruptly she found that she didn't care; she was willing to eat her words if it had this kind of payoff. She tugged on his warm hands and gazed longingly into his eyes, licking her bottom lip unconsciously when a stray snowflake landed there.

Kenshin's lips soon occupied the same spot, slightly parted this time. She trembled, leaning into him and placing her hands on his shoulders for support. Her chest seared from the contact, even through the layers of clothing. And then he was kissing her slowly, agonizingly so, and withdrawing his lips every few seconds only to press against her again. Breathless, but still craving more, she opened her mouth further in invitation. Deliciously, he reacted and tilted his head to one side, slanting his mouth over hers. He tasted faintly of coffee and chocolate. Their tongues met and Kaoru saw stars. When his hands encircled her waist, settling her more tightly against his body, she moaned softly into his mouth. Her arms curled around his neck of their own volition, bringing them closer still, and she felt him shudder. One of his hands began stroking her long hair as his lips retreated shortly, only to change angles and plunder her mouth again.

Moments later her fingers fisted in his jacket, anchoring him there even as she gradually slowed the motion of her lips. He responded in kind, leaving his arms around her in a loose embrace as he placed a final lingering kiss on her mouth. When her eyes finally drifted open, they were met with his intoxicating purple stare. She blushed prettily, feeling dazed.

"You're beautiful," he stated, smiling softly at her flustered appearance. Her cheeks were flushed pink and her eyes were glossed over.

"Thank you." She returned his smile, straightening her jacket without breaking eye contact.

"And I need to let you go home now, as much as I don't want to," he sighed, idly stroking her forearms. His eyes looked painfully sorrowful for a split second and she wondered if she had imagined it. "Be careful, Kaoru."

"I will," she assured him and reluctantly stepped out of his embrace.

"You better," he winked, dropping a chaste kiss on her lips.

"It's a promise," she smiled before hurrying to her car. Without him igniting the fire within her, she was cold again. She pivoted on her heel. "Kenshin?"

"Yeah?" he questioned, meeting her halfway. He shoved his hands in his pockets and wondered why she looked so shy all over again.

"Come with me," she whispered before she lost her nerve. She was so tired of going home to a cold bed and waking up alone. She had never allowed herself to be consumed by lust so easily, but she felt an instant connection to Kenshin. Besides, she had done things the "right way" in the past and it had gotten her nowhere. If she was going to give in to her desires, she knew he was just the person to do it with.

"Kaoru," he breathed, surprise evident in his voice, but also a trace of desire. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," she reassured him, less anxious after his reaction. "Follow me. Okay?"

**xoxoxoxoxo**

The drive to her place was a blur, and she was pulling up to the gate of her apartment complex before she knew it. She punched in the access code and drove through, Kenshin following closely behind in his black sedan. It was a short ride to her building and then they parked side-by-side, meeting on the nearby sidewalk.

As soon as they were shut inside her apartment and hanging up their coats, she blurted, "Kenshin, I hope you don't think I'm... you know, promiscuous."

"No, of course not." His tone was soft and he gently tilted her chin up when she hung her head. "Don't worry. I'm a good judge of character."

"Good," she sighed, her expression brightening somewhat as she turned around to lock the door. "Sorry, I'm probably ruining the mood."

"Not at all," he promised, wrapping his arms around her from behind. Resting his chin on her right shoulder, he added, "If you change your mind, all you have to do is tell me. Nothing has to happen tonight."

"It's not fair to say that when you're touching me," she whispered, nearly gasping at the contact. His body was so warm against her back, and she arched into him. He released her and she immediately missed the feeling.

"I'll go across the room and say it then," he chuckled, taking a seat on her plush couch. Meeting her eyes from where she still stood at the door, he repeated himself sincerely. "Kaoru, nothing has to happen tonight."

She contemplated for a moment, crossing her arms over her chest and watching him closely. He merely held her gaze, looking relaxed, until she finally walked across the room and sat next to him. Effectively surprising him, she looped her arms around his neck and pressed a lingering kiss to the corner of his mouth. "I want something to happen."

**[Right here is where a really long, graphic sex scene should be. If you're old enough, check my profile for a link.]**

**xoxoxoxoxo**

As soon as he caught his breath he rolled off of her and lay on his back, tucking her against his side. She snuggled into him like they were longtime lovers, pulling her comforter around them to ward off the cold, and exhaled a sigh of contentment across his chest.

"I hope this doesn't freak you out, but I feel like I've known you forever," she murmured sleepily.

"I feel the same way." He rested his cheek against the top of her head and stared into the dark room, cherishing her presence for as long as he was able. If only he could tell her the truth.

When her breathing was deep and even, he pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead and carefully disentangled himself from her. He slipped from the bed soundlessly and leaned over her, smoothing her hair back from her face.

"I love you, Kaoru. Always," he whispered. A cross shape materialized on his left cheek, red and angry. "I'm sorry."

**xoxoxoxoxo**

**A/N:** _Before you all find my address and murder me in various bloody ways, notice this--TO BE CONTINUED!!! Unless no one gives a damn and doesn't review... then, poor Kenshin and Kaoru. You must review and save them. Wow, I'm evil, putting the responsibility on the readers' shoulders like that. I do have this whole story planned out, though, and it's probably not what most people would expect. So let me know if I should put in the time and effort or not. I truly appreciate it. Thanks! XOXO_


	2. Chapter 2

**Ghost of Perdition**

Chapter 2

by _Rusting Angel_

**xoxoxoxoxo**

The following night he waited patiently in the square, surveying the area vigilantly. It was mostly deserted due to the weather, although someone darted by every few minutes. The wind whipped his lengthy ponytail across his face and he was so numb from the temperature that it failed to sting. Snow no longer danced through the frigid air, having ceased several hours ago but he knew more was on the horizon.

Just when he was beginning to worry, her slight form emerged from the darkness. She trudged along through a foot of pure snow before stepping on to the freshly shoveled sidewalk, hugging herself tightly to retain some vestige of warmth. Her long black tresses, barely restrained by the knitted white cap she wore, spiraled behind her at the mercy of the wind.

He knew her hands were freezing again, and it took all of his willpower not to wrap her up in his arms. Instead, he merely observed her as she hastily crossed the street, oblivious to him. She hurried by the coffee shop where they had met the night before and many nights in the past; then by the music store and the library where he had bumped into her on occasion. Finally she slowed in front of a small grocery store and turned towards the entrance.

His eyes narrowed apprehensively as a large man approached her, blocking her way. The guy apparently said something she didn't approve of, because her hands were on her hips now.

Standing swiftly he made his way over to them, pretending to be just another customer going grocery shopping. He strained his ears to hear their conversation over the drone of the chilly wind and finally picked up on the bulky man's deeper voice as he advanced.

"...when you're done," the man was saying, chuckling humorlessly. "Then we can go to the bar together. Whaddya say?"

"No thanks," she answered plainly, attempting to sidestep him and enter the store.

"Come on, there's no need to be a bitch," he threatened and blocked her way. "I'm just offering to buy you a few drinks."

"I said no," she retorted, shooting him a menacing glare. "Now are you going to move or do I have to make you? I don't have time for this."

Kenshin was near enough now that the larger man spotted him, and he was at Kaoru's side before the guy had time to fire back another insult.

"Babe, is this man bothering you?" He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, feeling her stiffen initially before she realized his intention. His eyes deliberately locked on the man's and leveled him with an amber glare.

"He's sure trying," she replied testily, looking confused when the man abruptly turned away with a nervous expression.

Kenshin nudged her forward when she tried to glance backward, his hand resting between her shoulders. He didn't let her turn and look at him until they stepped through the sliding doors and into the warm store, when he knew his eyes had returned to normal. Her breath caught in her throat audibly as her sapphire gaze roamed over his face, and then she was unexpectedly scowling.

"I could have handled that just fine on my own," Kaoru insisted, pushing glossy hair away from her heart-shaped face. "I didn't need your help."

_There's my little firecracker_, Kenshin thought fondly and smiled to himself.

"Is something funny?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest. She looked perturbed. "I am perfectly capable of protecting myself, whether you believe it or not."

"Sorry, I believe you," he said reassuringly, but the smile remained. She had no idea how adorable she looked when she was angry. "I just thought you might appreciate some help, that's all. Take care."

He turned and headed toward the exit, not at all surprised when he heard her call out after him.

"Wait!"

Her footsteps sounded behind him and then she tapped him softly on the shoulder, looking sheepish when he twisted around.

"I'm sorry," she said apologetically, looking him in the eye. "I just can't stand it when men think I need help all the time. That was nice of you, though, so thank you."

"It's no problem," he responded softly, gazing down at her. He barely resisted the urge to reach out and caress her silky porcelain cheek. "Maybe I'll see you around. We can get coffee sometime."

"I'd like that," she agreed after a moment's hesitation, thinking that coffee sounded so much better than beer. Feeling her temperature rise, and not just from the heat of the store, she asked his name.

"Kenshin Himura."

"Kaoru Kamiya."

They clasped hands.

**xoxoxoxoxo**

Ten minutes later Kenshin arrived at a modest brick house which sat at the end of a bustling street. He rapped his knuckles firmly against the glass door before stepping back, gazing out at the snowy scenery as he waited.

"Kenshin." A beautiful dark-haired woman with warm cinnamon eyes answered the door, swiftly ushering him inside. She swept him into a friendly hug and rubbed his back comfortingly upon observing his defeated expression. "The others are here like you asked."

"Good. Thanks, Megumi," Kenshin replied softly as he returned her embrace. Then he quickly made his way into the living area where three other familiar people besides himself and Megumi were sitting. He smiled half-heartedly. "Thanks for coming, guys."

A short, thin woman with large green eyes burst to her feet, launching herself at Kenshin and nearly squeezing the breath out of him. "You know we're all here for you, Himura," she gushed, pulling back but still holding him by the shoulders. "Everything will work out, you'll see."

"Kenshin!" Sano exclaimed, striding forward and wrapping Kenshin in a bear hug, nearly lifting him off of the ground. "How are you, man?"

"I've been better," Kenshin coughed out as soon as Sano released him, catching his breath before he smiled sincerely. "It's good to see you."

His eyes drifted across every face in the room--the friends he had always, would always depend on and support in return--Sano, Megumi, Aoshi and Misao. The reality that they were all together hit him at full force again, although he had seen everyone several times in the last month.

Sano grinned, throwing an arm around Megumi. His chesnut-colored eyes settled on Kenshin. "How are things going with Jou-chan? Surely she's warmed up to you by now."

"The situation hasn't changed much," Kenshin sighed heavily, sitting on the large leather sectional in the corner. The others joined him. "I guess she hasn't said anything; otherwise you would have told me already, right?"

"No, sorry," Misao murmured, shaking her head sadly and absentmindedly playing with the end of her long braid. "I talk to her every day and she never has any recollection of meeting you."

"Damn," the redhead swore, acknowledging her with tired purple eyes. "I really thought that might change soon."

"Why?" Misao asked curiously, flicking the braid back over her shoulder. "Did she seem different?"

"Yesterday and today, she became much more comfortable with me in a shorter period of time." Kenshin shifted his gaze to the floor, eyes softening.

"Wait, so you're saying she doesn't remember you from day to day?" Sano cocked an eyebrow, eyeing him with interest when he nodded affirmatively. "How is that even possible? I mean, I think she's the only one of us that doesn't remember her past life at all. But it doesn't make sense that _all_ her memories of you are screwed up."

"Actually, it does make sense," Aoshi amended, his expression thoughtful. "If you consider what makes Kaoru different from the rest of us."

"Well, let's see..." Sano raised the fingers of his left hand, pushing one down each time he named something. "Her cooking is so horrible that she makes the rest of us look like Martha Stewart; she's in love with Kenshin, or was; she has never, would never kill under any circumstances--"

"That's it," Misao interrupted, hopping to her feet. "Her soul has never been stained with blood and all of ours have!"

"Exactly." Aoshi nodded and Misao looked positively exuberant. Then his ice blue eyes settled on Kenshin, unwavering. "Because of that, even though you're not of this world, we can see you and remember you like you're just another person. Kaoru's soul recognizes that you're an impure spirit and therefore tries to protect her from you, regardless of what her heart wants."

Sano jerked his head up and stared at Aoshi incredulously. "What do you mean, he's not of this world?"

"My soul was damned at Rakinimura," Kenshin interjected calmly, sad eyes drifting over Sano's disbelieving face. "And all those years spent atoning for my sins weren't enough." He paused; it was always so strange talking about his own death.

"So you mean you went to..." Sano trailed off, eyes widening.

"Purgatory," Kenshin confirmed lightly.

"Oh, I thought you were gonna say Hell," Sano gasped, looking somewhat relieved before asking warily, "Then what are you... exactly?"

"I guess you could call me..."

Sano leaned forward with avid interest; Kenshin had never revealed this delicate piece of information to him, and he knew everyone else was hiding it from him. What, did they think he couldn't handle it?

"...A ghost."

Sano squeaked, turned white, and fell off the couch.

"I knew he couldn't handle it," Megumi sighed, shaking her head. She nudged him with a stockinged foot. "Get up, Tori-atama."

He gradually sat up straight again, gazing at Kenshin skeptically. "You don't look like a ghost. Aren't ghosts supposed to be invisible, or at least transparent?"

"I am, during the day."

"And how did you escape Purgatory?"

"I didn't escape. One day I was just... here."

"Explain, dammit! This is too confusing. You better not be pulling my leg, Kenshin."

"I wouldn't joke about something like this, Sano, but I wish I was." Kenshin sighed before continuing. "About five years ago I woke up, for lack of a better word, standing next to my grave in Japan. I still don't know how, or why. I wandered around for days, getting used to the sights and sounds of the modern world. Not a single person ever saw me or noticed my presence at all, until one night..."

"When you visited Hiko's old place, right?" Misao chimed in. "I can't believe he ended up there again! So then he saw you and you stayed near him for a while..."

"Right," Kenshin nodded, smirking softly. "He was surprised, to say the least. He thought I was a drunken hallucination and wouldn't accept that I was real until he sobered up. We talked every night for a week until I left, in search of Kaoru and the rest of you. He gave me a book before I left, saying that there was an entire chapter about me in it..."

"The book I planted for you at Tae's shop so Kaoru would read it," Misao added, clapping her hands together. "I wonder if she's gotten to the part about you yet."

"I don't know. She was reading it when I saw her in the coffee shop again last night," Kenshin said wistfully. "I used it as an excuse to talk to her. Just before she fell asleep later, she said she felt like she had known me forever... which is comforting."

"Hey, maybe she is coming around!" Misao smiled hopefully. "But we still have to figure out your situation..."

"Um, excuse me," Sano interrupted, waving his arms. "But did no one else hear what he just said? He was there when she fell asleep. So she took you back to her apartment, Kenshin?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Kenshin exhaled audibly, hanging his head and withdrawing behind the guise of his unruly red bangs. He was uncomfortable revealing such private details but if they were going to help him solve the puzzle, they had to have access to every single piece. Unfortunately this particular piece was larger than most, so he really couldn't afford not to share it. But it wasn't going to be easy on him; he felt ashamed.

"...We slept together," he admitted hesitantly before slowly standing and moving to the window. He heard Misao gasp but didn't dare to glance over and witness the bewildered expressions on his friends' faces. Leaning his forehead against the chilled glass, he awaited the inevitable barrage of questions.

"I'm actually kind of impressed, Kenshin." That was Sano's low timbre, sounding amused. "How'd you manage to bed her in one night? I didn't think Jou-chan was that kind of--" A loud smack resonated throughout the room and Kenshin knew Megumi had just slapped the piss out of him. "Ouch! Kitsune, what'd you have to go and do that for!? I was just saying..."

"That's the problem," Megumi deadpanned, rolling her eyes. "Any time you 'just say' something, Sano, it's never good. Now hush."

"She was my wife," Kenshin reminded him, casting a mild violet glare over his shoulder before turning back to watch the lazy snowfall. "She recognizes me; I can feel it. I think our connection grows stronger every time I see her and although she can't understand it, she's unable to resist it."

"Well that's too bad," Misao sighed with frustration. "I was actually going to suggest that maybe, um--you know--would help her remember you. But apparently not." She finished with a blush staining her pallid cheeks.

"You mean sex?" Megumi clarified with a smirk, tittering behind her hand when Misao scowled. Then her expression turned serious and she added, "I suspected so, too. But since she still doesn't remember you, it doesn't appear to be the solution... unless you need to do it several times; that could be it."

"I hope not," Kenshin said honestly. He turned to face them, expression blank.

"What? I can think of worse requirements, Kenshin," Sano winked, narrowly avoiding a swat from Megumi. He got up and moved to sit safely on the other side of Aoshi, who was silently observing.

Kenshin sighed and shook his head, exasperated. "She doesn't know me, at least not in her mind. I got caught up in the moment last night, but... now that I've had time to think on it, I feel guilty. Like I took advantage of her."

"If you don't mind me asking, Ken, did she initiate things?" Megumi asked gently, and he nodded. "Please don't feel guilty. I think you should go along with whatever she feels like doing; it may open the window to her memories."

Inclining his head toward Megumi gratefully, he clasped his hands together and returned to the couch.

"This is so sad, Kenshin." Misao's round eyes were clouding over with unshed tears and she sniffled. "I can't stand to see you guys this way; you're meant to be together."

"It's difficult," he agreed, exhaling slowly. "I've approached her every single night for the last month, hoping that maybe something will trigger. And each time, she has no idea who I am."

Everyone was quiet for several moments, lost in their own thoughts. The snow blanketed every surface that was visible through the window and made them feel isolated from the rest of the world.

"Just remember, Kenshin." Aoshi's sure, steady voice shattered the silence. "Even if she remembers her first life with you, she still won't retain any new memories of you until your own situation is remedied."

Kenshin remained silent, restlessly stroking his fingers through his hair.

**xoxoxoxoxo**

Kaoru rushed up the stairs to her apartment one week later, carefully avoiding several patches of ice. She was intent on curling up with some hot cocoa and finishing the last few chapters of her book. Thankfully no one had claimed it yet; she wanted to complete it long before then.

She finally reached her floor and rounded the corner, imagining the warmth of her cozy apartment and what that new raspberry-flavored cocoa would taste like. The strip of ice went unnoticed in her haste and she was slipping helplessly before she knew it. She closed her eyes and braced herself for the inevitable fall, only to abruptly feel a pair of warm arms engulf her before she landed heavily on top of someone.

Stunned, her blue eyes snapped open and attempted to focus on the figure that was lying flat on his back beneath her. The first thing, she realized with a blush, was that she was straddling his chest. Secondly, he was surprisingly beautiful but looked slightly pained; his eyebrows were furrowed. And lastly, the shock of long crimson hair that framed his face contrasted sharply with their wintry surroundings.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! Are you hurt?" she gasped when she found her voice, scrambling to stand up.

"Don't." He grasped her small wrists, holding her firmly in place and gazing up at her with lavender eyes. "You might fall again. Let me get up and then I'll help you."

"Well I have to move first." She could feel the blush creeping up her neck, growing redder by the second--whether it was due to their proximity, his appearance, or the sound of his voice; she couldn't be sure. But it definitely wasn't just the embarrassing situation.

"Careful," he said softly, placing his hands on either side of her for support. His warmth burned through her trenchcoat and she scarcely noticed the fresh snow floating around them.

Cautiously she crawled off of him and remained on her knees, not daring to move any further. She watched as he sat up and scooted backwards until he reached pavement that was untouched by ice. Then he stood up effortlessly and she wondered how someone so graceful had managed to fall so hard. _Oh, that's right, he was catching my clumsy ass._

"Give me your hands," he instructed, leaning forward and reaching both arms out to her. She linked her hands with his and shivered involuntarily at the contact. "Now stand up, slowly."

She shifted so that her booted feet were directly beneath her, then gradually straightened her legs, wobbling slightly.

"Gotcha." He listed forward just enough that his hands could encircle her waist and she squeaked, throwing her arms around his neck as he swept her up and deposited her gently on the ground next to him.

He made no move to release her. One moment he was staring down into her lovely blue eyes and having trouble convincing himself not to kiss her, and the next she was running circles around him, examining him for injuries.

"Are you okay? Your hands look hurt," she fretted, glancing at him worriedly. "And your head! I think you hit it pretty hard."

"Really, I'm fine," he insisted, chuckling softly. "I'm more worried about you."

"Are you serious? I landed completely on top of you," she laughed, shaking her head. "That was a stupid thing to do, by the way."

"Well I didn't exactly intend to fall with you; that wasn't the plan."

"Didn't go too well, did it?"

"Don't make me put you back on that ice," he deadpanned and stared at her sulkily, narrowing his eyes.

"You wouldn't dare! I'm only teasing," she giggled lightly. "Now let me check your head; does it hurt?"

"It's a little sore," he lied as she stood behind him, combing her fingers over his scalp. In reality it was throbbing and he had a major headache, but he didn't want her to worry more.

"Tell the truth!" she commanded, noticing his wince when her fingertips grazed a sizeable knot on the back of his head. "There's no way that doesn't hurt."

"Okay, it hurts a little," he admitted just to appease her. Turning to meet her eyes, he added, "But I'm still glad it was me and not you."

"You're an idiot," she scoffed, although she couldn't help the vivid blush that stained her porcelain cheeks. "Come with me. I've got plenty of ice packs in my freezer. I, um... get hurt pretty often."

"Imagine that," he drawled, winking when she turned her head to glare daggers at him.

She huffed and stomped ahead of him, leading the way to her apartment. If he wasn't so gorgeous she would've slapped him.

**xoxoxoxoxo**

He took a cleansing breath as they walked through the door, trying to discourage his mind from replaying his last visit to her apartment. But sure enough, the opening credits rolled and he remembered the night in graphic detail--soft skin, tangled limbs, passionate kisses, and the fireworks that exploded behind his eyelids when he came.

"Oh my god, are you going to pass out or something?" Kaoru was waving a hand in front of his face, looking concerned. "Come sit down."

He shook his head to clear his thoughts and realized with a blush that he had completely zoned out; imagining her naked, no less. He allowed her to drag him to to the couch which only served to fuel the blazing fire in his brain. Sighing with irritation, he slumped down into the cushion and put his face in his hands. His headache was amplified.

"You don't look too good," she whispered, stroking his brow impulsively. She blushed when his purple eyes flickered up at her and quickly retracted her hand. "Hold on, I'll get you an ice pack and some Tylenol."

Nodding silently, he massaged his temples while he waited for her to return. His entire head hurt; a nauseating combination of physical and mental pain.

"Here, take this. I'll make cocoa in a minute, too. I've been wanting some all day." She pressed a cool glass of water and two pills into his hands, waiting until he downed them. Then she set the glass on the table and smoothed his lengthy tresses over one shoulder, gingerly pressing the ice pack against the back of his head. "I'm so sorry. I feel awful."

"Please don't feel bad," he replied softly, reaching back to hold the ice pack in place so she could let go. "It's no big deal."

"I'm still sorry," she maintained, kneeling on the carpet in front of him with apologetic eyes. "And thank you for breaking my fall. Even if it was stupid, it was still nice." Uncertainly, she tilted her face forward and kissed his left cheek.

"That's it?" There was a flirtatious glint in his striking eyes that made her redden. "I think I at least deserve a kiss on my other cheek, too."

"Fine," she teased and leaned up to oblige him.

He slanted his head at the last possible second and captured her lips, cupping the back of her neck with warm fingers simultaneously.

"Cheater," she murmured against his mouth but made no move to break away.

An amused chuckle rumbled in his chest and he deepened the kiss by coaxing her silky lips open with his tongue. He felt her gasp and then she was responding with fervor, leaning across his lap from her position on the floor. His long fingers stroked her silky hair, caressed her smooth cheek, and eventually trailed down her side, brushing against the side of her breast. The sensual moan that resulted brought him back down to earth, and he abruptly broke the kiss.

"We should stop," he whispered huskily, resting his forehead against hers and closing his eyes.

"You don't sound too convinced," she observed. Her hands clenched the back of his shirt.

"Go make the cocoa," he breathed and pulled back just enough to see her eyes. Their gazes were intense, sparks flying between them.

She nodded dazedly, but somehow their lips were locked again and his hands slid under the back of her shirt, drawing aimless patterns on her bare skin. Then he kissed his way down her neck and lingered there, lightly tasting her. She whimpered, grasping his upper arms, and he retreated again.

"Really, go," he insisted, holding her at arm's length.

"Okay," she agreed breathlessly and headed to the kitchen, flushing when she felt his eyes on her. He looked like he wanted to devour her.

As soon as she was safely in the kitchen, he sighed heavily and willed himself to think of something, anything but Kaoru. If he wasn't successful he was going to have to ask her for another ice pack. And _not_ for the head he hit on the pavement.

**xoxoxoxoxo**

**A/N:** _First off, you lovely people made me update much sooner than I planned to. I got so into it and this chapter just flowed out; hopefully it's not too confusing and it answered some of your questions. I'm actually not sure I like how it turned out, for no particular reason. I dunno. And there is not another version of this chapter by the way, so don't bother checking my LJ. But please review and let me know what you think... I think reviews are the only thing in the world that can make me smile at my computer screen like an idiot--well, besides KxK scenes._

_Oh, and a bonus question! If the RK guys were in a rock band together, what would it be called? Maybe your suggestion will be the title of my next fic, hint hint. ;)_


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